I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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