He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
