Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
