I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
