I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
