i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
