His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
