dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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