ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
