Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
