Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
