the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I puked a lego.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
