whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
