I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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