I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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