Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
