i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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