i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
