I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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