I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
