And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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