They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
