She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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