so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
