WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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