you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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