i was born a porn star she said
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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