He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
