Ketchup is God's man juice
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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