This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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