Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
