the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
