found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
