i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
