it's too hot outside to masturbate.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
