we have pet lesbian snakes
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
