I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
