that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
