How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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