I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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