too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
