She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
