At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
