She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
