Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
