I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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