First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
