can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
