You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
