My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
