But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
