I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
