She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
