it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
