Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
