he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
