i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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