Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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