So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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