im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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