so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
