Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
