I didn't shave. On purpose
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
