WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
