So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
