dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize