Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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