and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
