Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
