you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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