Your dad touched me again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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