She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
