Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
