We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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