Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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