I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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