Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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