I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
