my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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