My first STD was from a foam party
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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