i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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