Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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