ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
