If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We have started to decorate penises.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
