I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
