I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
a search helicopter?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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