dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
