I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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