Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i now understand why vodka
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
