HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
